I hope Edwin is not riddled with angst. However, I can never be sure because communicating with a rabbit is like praying. Lots of people talk to god but when god talks back your crazy. Edwin doesn't talk back but he seems content as a free range rabbit. He hops around, sits in his cage, sleeps in his rabbit condo, explores the closet and then calls it a great day. He has no real worries and only really gets upset when we touch his toys or have to move the litter box to clean it. He leads a simple life of which I am envious. The only expectation I have of him is that he not chew the baseboards of the apartment. He ultimately fails to meet that expectation but seems pretty oblivious to that fact.
In response to your question, no, we are not merely hurtling down a tunnel with no choice in our direction. There are lots of twists and turns and choices to go left or right. It is a lot like a game board. I understand that every decision I have ever made has brought me to be who I am today and that I am winning the game. Am I proud of winning? No. Would I rather be losing the cultural game of success? Absolutely not. I would rather not be playing at all. But, in my mind, that is not a choice. I know cognitively that it is but, when you choose not to play, everyone else thinks that you merely lost. Again, coming back to what everyone else thinks. Go figure.
Ultimately, I feel obligated to play and make the choice to continue doing so. That is the catch-22. I cannot be proud of anything I have accomplished that others admire because I dont agree with the rules of the game. I just play it very well.
I am very relaxed in my self-awareness. I know exactly who I am and have an idea of why I am in this position. I dont regret anything I have ever done and am content. I play the game well and am able to sell myself in exchange for what I think I need.
I am a Socialist who spent my entire summer starting a wedding magazine in Atlanta that just tells people how to waste money on a big and excessive wedding. I was good at taking the essence of myself and translating it into something I think is stupid and wasteful. Can I be proud of that? To use a cliche, I sold out for a click on my resume. But hey, it's one hell of a resume. I guess I won. How terribly thrilling.
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Have you read any performance theory? A good text book on it: PERFORMANCE STUDIES: AN INTRODUCTION by Richard Schechner. You can sample it at google books. The question is, as you perform yourself in these games, who is doing the performing. Is there a core you? Or are you a "decentered postmodern fractured subject"?
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